5 Steps to Feeling in Control of Your Emotions

If you want something quick to do to feel grounded and self-regulate, here are 5 simple steps that you can do right now to feeler calmer and connected to the present. This is perfect for when you're just sitting at your desk and need a quicker breather. Take a moment for yourself so you can get back to the world and people around you.

1. Take one second to stop and name what emotion or physical sensation you might be feeling right now. Sometimes people feel physical sensations before they're able to name an emotion. For example, maybe you notice you have a headache right now, and you know you drank enough water today. Maybe your heart is racing, or your skin feels flushed. This might be connected to feelings of stress, frustration, sadness, etc. Take a second to name it. As Dr. Dan Siegel says, "If you can name it, you can tame it."

2. Take two deep breaths and then exhale HARD. When we get stressed, one of the things our bodies are programmed to do is to take quick in-takes of breath, as if preparing to run or fight and to do it fast. This is part of the autonomic sympathetic nervous system functions. If you want to encourage your parasympathetic nervous system to come online and get out of fight-or-flight mode, long exhales can signal to your body that you are not in physical danger. If it helps, you can do a four-count while breathing in, hold your breath for four more seconds, and then exhale for another four. Then repeat.

3. Take three seconds to cup your hands over your eyes. We are visually overstimulated all day by social media, advertisements, emails, etc. There is always something to look at and process. Give yourself three seconds to take a visual break. You might take your palms and rub them together. Once they feel warm, gently place your palms over your eyes, and just breathe for three seconds. Nothing will fall apart in that short amount of time.

4. Take in four sensations you notice around yourself. Check in with yourself again. If you already feel calmer with steps 1-3, then please feel free to stop there. If you want to ground yourself in the present moment a bit more instead of feeling like you're overwhelmed and rushing to the next ten things, then take another moment to stop. Use your five senses and name some things you can see, hear, taste, smell, or feel. Go slow and be descriptive. For example, "I hear the gentle whir of my computer fan. I can smell rich, fresh brewed coffee." Using your immediate sensations to ground you in this moment can help your brain from getting stuck in overdrive and overthinking mode.

5. Take time to name five things you are grateful for today.   There is always something to complain about or worry about, but there are also things to be grateful for or glimmers of hope and goodness throughout our day. If you have anxiety or depression, neurologically, your brain can find it easier to latch onto negative details and remember them as opposed to positive memories. The good news is that gratitude practices can help counteract those neurological tendencies. The more often you practice gratitude, the more natural it will feel. Take a minute to think of five things that you're grateful for today, no matter how big or small. Someone held the door open for you today? Did you manage to wear matching underwear today? All good things to think about and give yourself a little dopamine kick.

I hope these 5 steps helped you feel more grounded and calm. If you would like more one-on-one coaching and understanding of your somatic and physical responses and how they are connected to your stress and emotions, please feel free to reach out!